Thursday, June 26, 2008

Baby Hockey Jesus in the Offseason

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus,
I'm sure you are busy working on your tan in this offseason, sitting around and knocking back a few cold ones, and fishing, but the Wild are in a bit of trouble this offseason, and they need your help.
First off, we need you to teach Brian Rolston's agent to answer his phone/return his messages.
Secondly, it would be great if you could help get Butch signed to a long-term contract. I'm afraid he will walk if he doesn't get one.
Third, PLEASE REMIND DR THAT SIMON WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. I don't want to see any more useless players signed.
Fourth, Marian Hossa would be nice. Then Gaborik can have his other life partner here and maybe he'd stop whining and play hockey. On the other hand, he might be too busy partying with Hossa to focus. I'll leave that one to your judgement. Since we probably won't sign Rolston or Demitra at this point, we'll have piles of money sitting around.
Fifth, please let Demitra leave without smack talking the Wild. We'd like to be able to sign free-agents in the future.
Sixth, please make Chris Chelios retire.
Lastly, please, pleaseeeeeeee let Joe Sakic play at least one more season so I can see him play in person at least once more. I didn't get to see him play in person last season, and I'm uber bummed.

Thank you Baby Hockey Jesus for interupting your vacation to help us out. I will find and sacrifice Sidney Crosby to you if you will grant my wishes.

In other news, I would direct you to see the latest genius over at 18,568 Reasons Why.

I would like to as always, thank the Untypical Girls for introducing Baby Hockey Jesus to the Wild.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Field Trip: Twins Autograph Party

Today I had an absolute blast at the Twins Autograph Party. All the proceeds went to help various charities, and I picked up some awesome stuff, and met some awesome players.

10:30 AM: I arrived a bit later than I was supposed to, but I had a rough morning. Stupid allergy attacks. I picked up a few things at various booths, including a present for fellow Wild blogger Elise.

10:45 AM: I met up with Stacy and all of us stood in line to see Gomez, Boof, and Mike Lamb. We had a blast watching the people next to us in line get loaded. The had a huge cooler full of beer and they didn't seem to mind the long lines.

11:00 AM: I made a donation to help the relief efforts in Iowa and Missouri by getting a bag full of goodies. The Twins players wives and girlfriends were selling them. I got a Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, and Joe Mauer "sandlot" poster, a wiffle ball bat and ball, a Twins hat, and a signed Tony Oliva picture. Justin Morneau's girlfriend was nice enough to look through all the bags for me to find me a "good one". My brother claimed the bat and ball, the poster is going on my wall, the hat will probably be given to whoever wants it (it's signed by Twins pitcher Matt Guerrier), and the picture was claimed by my mom.

11:30 AM: we sat around stuffing our faces and telling stories to keep ourselves amused. The event officially started at this time, but we were too busy standing in line to check anything out at that point in time.

12:30 PM: The line finally started moving, and we got through pretty quickly. We spent most of the time in line trying to sort out who needed what signed. We got up there and Gomez was first.

1:00PM: We arrive at the table. Gomez was up first, and he was kind of a dick. He didn't say anything to anyone, and just shoved stuff at people while glowering at them. Kind of like Marian Gaborik. Boof attempted to be amusing while discussing why girls always seem to have Mauer and Morneau shirts before realizing that a lot of guys have Morneau shirts too. Mike Lamb was pretty nice, but much older than I thought he was. I got three new signatures for my baseball.

1:07 PM: After consulting with a Twins employee to figure out where table #2 was, we headed off to see Baby Bradke and co. There were a lot of fun people in the line, so life was good. We got through fairly quickly, and man was it fun when we got there. Casilla was really nice and smiley, and he inspected the ball very closely then signed. He was very friendly, and made me want to take back a few of the mean things I have said about him. Shaggy (Matt Guerrier) was his usual awesome self. He and Slowey were arguing about football teams, and Slowey and Casilla were bickering in Spanish. The whole tent was really entertaining. They all seem to get along well and were all really chatty. Slowey was awesome. He was really talkative and nice, and got really excited when I told him we like to sit around and compare him to Bradke. He smiled at me and said he was honored. Um right, I'll stop now.

1:40PM: we decided we didn't have time to get in another line, so we wandered around and checked out what was going on elsewhere. That proved to be really fun, as I saw several people that I know, got to watch random players interacting with fans, and added to my tan.

2:00 PM: We decided to get in line to see Roy Smalley and Bert. There was a random Hispanic dude also, but I keep forgetting his name. Juan somebody. We stood in line showing people the old yearbooks my mom sent with me to get signed, and watching the snowcone dude make snowcones. I wanted one really badly, but they only had the cherry kind. Yuck.

3:00 PM: I got to meet BERT! It was awesome. He loved signing the old stuff, and he told me about some of his pranks that he pulled. The Juan dude must not speak a lot of English, because he just smiled a lot and signed things. Roy was SUPER awesome and he signed the old stuff, told me a story, and was really pleased when I told him how much my family enjoys his batting segments. He made Justin Morneau batting hands for me, probably due to the fact that I was wearing a Justin Morneau shirt. I love Roy, he's the best.

3:30 PM: We located snowcones, documented ourselves eating them, managed to get Joe Mauer posters, and entertained kids by playing with the wiffle ball bat. I managed to bounce the ball off the bat 47 times in a row. That is my accomplishment for the day. We then took video playing hockey with the bats we got and ball. It was a little like Justin Morneau and Lew Ford playing hockey. A random dude challenged me to a game, but he went to get more beer and I think he forgot.

4:30 PM: we got photographed for the Twins photo gallery of the event, and we stood around in the sun comparing stuff that we got and chatting with random people. Then we bought a raffle ticket for the boat on the plaza and headed home. It was a good day, and the weather could not have been more perfect.

Congrats to Michael and Claudia Cuddyer on the birth of their son! Mr. Cuddyer seemed very excited whenever people congratulated him, and I can imagine why.

Pictures and other random stories are available on request. This is just a brief summary of an awesome day.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Reasons I like baseball

Before I only watched baseball in the summer, but this spring the playoffs made me mad, so I watched a lot more baseball. I'm really starting to like the game a lot more now. (Minus Carlos Gomez) The Twins have been super up and down this season, but whatever. In my never ending quest (similar to Margee's football quest about football) to get people to not think baseball is boring, I present to you some reasons I like baseball.

1.) There is nothing better than sitting outside in the sunshine on a nice afternoon stuffing your face and watching a game. I like watching the Saints, and soon the Twins for this reason. For those of you over 18, 19, or 21, I hear sitting around knocking back a cold one is a good perk also.

2.) TWINGO, cotton candy, and yelling, are three of my favorite reasons to go to the Dome. Sadly I was one play away from getting TWINGO before all the prizes were handed out, but it's fun anyway. I also enjoy getting a scorecard and doodling all over it. My friend Matt FREAKED out when he left his scorecard for me to mind while he got up for a sec, and was extremely upset to find that I had doodled all over it. He takes his scorekeeping very seriously.

3.) You don't have to freak out if your team loses a game. With 162 games in a season, you can kick back, relax, and just enjoy the game at hand. Watching the division leaders change every week is fun too. Especially if you are a fan in the central division.

4.) Dick and Bert. Dick and Bert are like the Twins version of Tom and Bob. Tom and Bert are both colorful pranksters, and Bob and Dick both know tons about their respective sports and remain reasonably unbiased. Bert circles people and counts down to his birthday while telling stories about how he likes to light stuff on fire.

5.) You can leave and come back, and in three highlights, you're all caught up. It's fantastic. Equally fantastic are the highlights that they show. Awesome catches, sweet hits, outfielders from the other team running into each other, it's hard to pick just one usually.

6.) Justin Morneau, Michael Cuddyer, Mike Redmond, Kevin Slowey, Chipper Jones, Raul Ibanez (I think his name is funny), Bradke, Corey Koskie, Matt Guerrier, all my favorite players. I like them because they entertain me, give back to their communities, smash things, and make awesome plays. It's like my favorite hockey players only less sweaty. Smell those hits!

7.) Twins fans. I love that anywhere I go in Minnesota I can sit around and talk about the Twins with random people. The kids I teach all tell me who their favorite players are (usually Joe Mauer), random dudes in Twins hats chat about last night's game with me. It seems to be a Minnesota thing.

8.) Making fun of Joe Mauer. It's just SO easy and entertaining. He runs like he has a pole shoved up his butt, sits around with his mouth hanging open, and his really unfortunate hair.

9.) The Twins commercials are SO MUCH BETTER than the Wild commercials. If you don't believe me, you can either go to the Twins website or YouTube some of them. Hilarious.

10.) Summer is lazy, baseball is doesn't require nearly as much energy to watch, which suits me just fine in the summer time.

Why do YOU like baseball?

Monday, June 9, 2008

My soul just died

CTV bought the rights to the "Hockey Night in Canada Theme Song" and it will be used on TSN and RDS in addition to the Olympics. I'm too sad to even try to tell you about how sad I am. My Canadians understand.

Stupid CBC. Now I am going to freak out everytime I watch TSN, kind of like when I freak out about tornado drills on sunny Wednesdays.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

OK fine

Maybe I'm a little bit happy about the Cup win for the Red Wings, but mostly only because I loathe the Penguins and didn't want to see them win. I'm not a bad Wild fan/Minnesotan, I promise. I'm sure Steph got drunk if she has the funds, and she has a nice couple of posts up about the win over at No Pun Intended. Hopefully she and Elly manage to still be friends. Watch this space for the Epic Adventures of Zetterdouche and Trianglehead if my 40 hour a week internship doesn't kill me first.