Friday, May 30, 2008

The playoffs thus far in pictures

Round 1:
Hooray! We managed not to completely self-destruct and make all of Quebec hate us!
Yeah, what now, FCP??? NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS.
Round 2:
Joe Thornton will never shake his Marty Turco Stigma, and Forsberg learned that he is not better than half the population of Sweden, or even Nicklas Lidstrom by himself. Yes, I do refuse to say anything rude about Joe Sakic.
He should have stayed with the Pens/not cut his mullet.
Round 3:

A less than epic war was waged, and families (you don't want to know how long I stared at that word trying to see if it was spelled correctly. Stupid foreign languages.) were divided. But not for long.
Marty Turco kicked his playoff stigma in the balls, until Al kicked him back.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Baby Hockey Jesus 2; Sidney Crosby 0

I wonder if this is the Untypical Girls at work. In their original post about Baby Hockey Jesus, Sidney Crosby was the sacrifice. I'm thinking that this is Baby Hockey Jesus collecting on that offering. Thank you Baby Hockey Jesus for your brilliant timing.

Meanwhile over at No Pun Intended, Elly is attempting to make herself feel better with Knob Hockey and alcohol, and I'm sure Steph is off somewhere gloating about the 2-0 lead and the fact that the Twins got owned 19-3 over the weekend. I really, really don't want to talk about it, Steph. The game tonight will be telling. If the Pens lose at home, they are screwed. Obvi, right? If they can't win on the road, and they can't win at home, I guess they would not win anywhere and therefore get swept, but sometimes I need to lay things out so that I can understand.

In keeping with my theme, right now it seems to be Baseball Gods Five bajillion; Minnesota Twins -.500

The Twins fans are complaining about a lack of power, but I really think they need to be complaining about the fact that our bullpen kind of sucks, and so does the fielding of certain players. *coughyoungcough* Other stupid people are complaining about the fact that Justin Morneau isn't playing as well as he should be, but really, he's been hitting pretty consistantly, getting plenty of RBIs, and he seems to be pretty capable of catching the ball. On top of that, he is not arbitrarily deciding when he will and will not play. Gomez, I've got news for you amigo, you are a rookie and in hot water for some of your fielding decisions. You should not be trying to tell Ron Gardenhire what you feel like doing, because judging by his umpire wars, he's not afraid to tell you what HE feels like doing. Think Red Foreman.

Joe Mauer may not be playing long ball (I wonder if that will hurt his fan club, as the ladies love the long ball), but he's getting on base, and in these times of barely .500 baseball, every little bit helps. That being said, he does not have ANY homeruns this season, and even Everett has one. Really, Joe? I have often wondered why Gardy doesn't have him hitting 1 or 2 instead of 3, but like I said before, I don't think it's wise to tell him how to run his baseball club/he knows more about baseball than I ever will. Cuddyer is doing the best he can, and I admit, he's had some struggles at the plate with just one homerun, but he's been making up for it on the field, and seems to be providing veteran leadership in the clubhouse and helping to keep things loose and fun. Besides, he has not run into a wall and broken his throwing hand, nor has he made an error in judgement that cause the opposing team to tie up the game in the 9th inning when the game was 3-0. I'm looking at you Gomez and Young.

We have a completely different infield for the most part, and I think they are still doing some shuffling around trying to see who fits best where. The fact that they are all getting injured is really hurting the team. The AAA club was getting really annoyed with the fact that they had no players left in the infield because the Twins had called them all up.

Lastly, the bullpen has not been stellar. Jesse Crain has been brutal this season, and I freak out every time he is put in the game, especially since he has been in towards the end of the game a lot. This does not give the team time to recover from him WALKING IN RUNS, SOMETIMES MULTIPLE RUNS IN AN INNING. Juan Rincon is totally off his game this season, though he's not anywhere near as bad as Jesse Crain. I only cringe a little bit when he's put in. I usually figure we just lost the game when Crain is put in. Joe Nathan was mad at Delmon Young last night, but he gave up a bunch of hits to allow all of those people on the bases, so he should be more forgiving and doing some apologizing of his own to Mr. Nick Blackburn. Blackburn has been pretty good for us this year, and he pitched really well for 8 and 1/3 innings last night. Mega shout-out to him, even if he does look alarmingly like Joe Mauer when he has a ball cap on.

If you made it all the way through that post that you thought was about hockey but was really about baseball, good job, and Go Twins!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Summer break

Taken off Sand Island in the Apostle Islands

This is just a note to say that if I'm not around much, it's because I have a summer internship 40 hours a week, a job soon, and then whatever else comes up. My summers tend to be kind of spontaneous.
I will be at the Wild Road Tour final stop in Rice Park on June 12th. I'm bummed that Mark Parrish won't be there this season, but he's probably chained to his house changing diapers right now to pay his wife back for all of the road trips of the season. Everyone should come, it's a really fun event, and the best part might be watching the players play street hockey with five year olds.

I will also be at the Minnesota Twins Autograph Party on June 21st. You will probably find me in line to see Kevin Slowey, Bert Blyleven, or Justin Morneau. The event costs $30, but all the proceeds go to charity. You can collect all the autographs you can get, as long as you aren't in Joe Mauer's line, in which case you will get like three total. I would recommend getting your ticket early if you are going, because they sell out every year.

I'm still cheering for the Red Wings in the finals. I'm predicting this series will either be a five game massacre for the Wings, or a seven game battle with the Wings coming out on top. Last night seemed to point toward the four-five game annihilation with the Wings winning the game 4-0. I'm sure my friend Dillon is ignoring my gloating text right now.

Tony Granto has been re-hired as the head coach of the Avs. Jibblescribbets is really upset about this fact, and frankly I can't blame him. That's almost as horrible for the Avs as Iron Mike being hired for the Flames was. Almost.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Stanley Cup Finals 2008

UGH. I can't believe I'm being forced to care about the Red Wings, but I swear on all I hold holy and dear, if the Pittsburgh Penguins win the Stanley Cup, REALLY bad things will happen to whatever I come into contact with first. I will do whatever the rage directs me to do, which is not something to be taken lightly. I HATE HATE HATE the Penguins this season. I have no specific reason why, just something that makes me loathe them. Sidney Crosby's "beard" isn't helping. Baby Hockey Jesus, please make sure that the destruction of the western Twin Cities does not happen by making Chelios not have so many brain farts, and inspire Nicklas Lidstrom to be a great, Joe Sakicesque leader of the team.

The Zetterberg and Datsyuk hate is on hold for the remainder of the playoffs, and at that time, the epic and long promised "Adventures of Trianglehead and Zetterdouche" will be released for all to marvel at. Until then, I will be a faithful and kind supporter of the Red Wings.

It's going to be a No Pun Intended smackdown, and I kind of can't wait to see what the girls do to each other, since a little birdie named Steph tells me they are going to be hanging out at some point. This should be good.

PS, all of you should check Margee's Squeeview of the finals over on Sportsquee. Absolutely hilarious. More later if I feel so inspired to write.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Sports confessional

I have some confessions to make to you all. This past sports season has brought many changes to my hatreds both past and present.

1.) I no longer hate the Stars the same way I used to. I blame this on Cat (Untypical Girls), Caitlin (Untypical Girls/Hockey Coma) and Jen (Untypical Girls/The Shootout). This all started when I read their hilarious blog post about Baby Hockey Jesus, as they are the originators of the rituals, I just perpetuate them. After that, I was hooked. Chatting with Cat and Caitlin has showed me that not all Stars fans are evil, and that there are even things to like about their favorite hockey team. Way to go ladies, I didn't think anyone would ever be able to accomplish this. PS, don't even try to get me to like Modano. That will NEVER happen.

2.) Vincent Lecavalier is much smarter/less shallow than I previously gave him credit for. I always thought he didn't look too bright, but the more I hear him interviewed and see him in the community, he does good work, and his English and French grammar are both impeccable, and he gives intelligent answers. Mr. Beliveau gave his approval of him, and who am I to argue with the great Jean Beliveau?

3.) I no longer hate the Red Wings as completely as I used to. Steph, I'm looking at you, you big jerk. You convinced me to like them just a little bit, and ugh. Now I even would be ok with them winning the Stanley Cup. What's next? Same thing goes for Chelios as for Modano. I will never like him. PPS, Sakic is better than Yzerman.

4.) I was also wrong about Brent Burns, Mikko Koivu, Brian Rolston, Mathieu Garon, Marty Turco, Marcus Naslund, I'm sure the list goes on. Basically my prediction skills are sketchy at best, and I tend to be harsh on those who do not garner my instant affection (ie: Marian Gaborik), and I'm especially mean to those who abuse my adoration (Ryan Smyth).

5.) I still hate the Ducks, a lot. I'm even managing to think that Scott Niedermayer is a giant bag of douche, but that breaks my heart since I love to watch him play. I like Andy McDonald. I even liked him when he played for the Ducks.

Any confessions of your own to make? Everyone's squees and secret loves are safe here.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

I feel a smackdown coming!

Both of them have a bad case of "Malkin face".

So lately I've been hearing from multiple sources that they think Malkin is better than Crosby. This news makes me smile like there is no tomorrow, because I can't wait to hear what Sidney Crosby has to say about this once he hears. I bet this could get good, and I can't wait to be entertained by the fight I am envisioning ensuing. I will be horribly disappointed if Crosby is his usual, boring self and just says that it's good for the game or whatever.
The Stars are getting murdered by the Red Wings, but they showed a little bit more life last night. There was also the Ribero/Osgood incident at the end of the game, so I'm guessing some of the Wings *coughMcCartycough* might be out for blood. Specifically Ribero's blood, but I wouldn't be surprised if he went after Turco to retaliate. I wouldn't do that if I were him however, as Marty Turco strikes me as the type to fight back, and fight dirty.
Random Twins ramblings:
The Twins are currently playing the BoSox. They won the first game, dropped yesterday's game, and now have been doing pretty well thus far in the game *knock on wood*. Justin Morneau is doing much better than he was last series, and he gave a great shoutout to his mom today complete with actual smiling, a rare thing from the stoic Canadian. OOH, he's up to bat and he has a pink bat. NICE hit. He's now 3 for 3 with a hit right up the middle that practically made the pitcher piss his pants. He smashed that ball.
Joe Morgan is a good baseball announcer, but whoever he is working with NEVER, EVER shuts up. Like seriously. He knows more random facts about the Red Sox than anyone has a right to, and he seems to have a burning need to impart all of this wisdom to me in the span of this ball game. Stupid ESPN, I miss Dick'N'Bert.
Blackburn seems to have a hard time sealing the deal. He gets two strikes, then seems to try too hard or something to get the third. I still maintain he looks a bit like Joe Mauer with a hat on. Must be the sideburns and dark hair.
On an even more random note, now that the Twins are back at home, I don't have to hear them mention that they are on the South Side of Chicago every three seconds. I was starting to count how many times a game they mentioned that fact. According to Tenisha, the south side is not where you want to be.
Justin Morneau almost fell on his face he just stopped and backed up so fast. The third baseman just bobbled the ball off his nuts. The announcer made tons of excuses for him, why doesn't he do that for the Twins players? LAME I say.
If anyone caught the interview on KFAN with Mark Parrish, I'm sorry. It was amusing when they weren't taking advantage of the fact that he's too nice to tell them all to eff off and stop asking him such rude questions. He answered all of their questions very politely, but he didn't sound happy about most of them. Unfortunately they spent a lot more time talking about the fact that he had a poor season than the fact that next year is a new season, we won the division title, and we have a lot of players who REALLY improved this season. Oh well, such is journalism I've found. Parrish sounded like he's doing a lot better after his concussion, which he said was brutal. It's really good to hear that he's feeling better, and that his little girl and wife are both doing a really well. All the best to ya Grumpy, the fans still love you, even if the media doesn't.
One last thing: Jacques Lemaire has annouced that he will be back for another season. This is good news for everyone but the opposition. I'm pleased that he's back for another season, and I'm hoping that they will play a little bit better for him this coming season. The Strib and Pioneer Press are all over this story like white on rice, so you can read more about it there or on

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Twins update and third round predictions

A friend of mine emailed this picture to me, and it makes me giggle.
The Twins just lost to the White Sox, allowing them to take 2 out of 3 in the first series I've been able to watch. Slowey had 4 1/2 great innings in his first outing since April 3rd. Joe Mauer did not trip over the base and eat it, but he did have a pretty good series, since every time I turned around he was on base.

Justin Morneau did not do as well as Mauer, but he advanced the runners quite a bit and made their outfield look stupid at least twice.

Redmond played yesterday and it was awesome. I love Red. Cuddy did well for himself and made several great plays in the field.

New dudes: I got to see some of the new players play, and beyond CGo hitting for the cycle yesterday, I was not really impressed. Young didn't impress me either, but I really liked Tolbert, and Harris, Everett, and Lamb seem fairly competent.

Nick Punto (is not a new dude) managed to save his own skin yesterday after making a glaring mistake at the play, he turned in a career high 5 RBIs.

Don't forget to vote for the MLB All-Star game! I always vote like mad and never watch the game, but you should still go and vote for your favorite players, or if you don't have any, my favorite players.

Third Round:
Stars vs. Red Wings:
Red Wings in 6. I don't really see how the Wings will not win this series, sorry Stars fans/Matt Niskanen.
Flyers vs. Pens:
Everyone knows how much I like both of these teams, but sadly one of them has to win. The Flyers might just take the Pens apart with their imitation of the Broad Street Bullies, so I say Flyers in 7 games.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Completely Unreasonable Summer Wishlist

I will post a real wishlist that is actually feasible later. For now this is just what I'd REALLY like to see. None of this money saving, team chemistry crap.

1.) Vincent Lecavalier and Joe Thornton. I should be the GM of the Rangers. We need centers.

2.) A younger Martin Brodeur, though I could do without the personal scandals and douchebaggery.

3.) Joe Sakic. Duh. What wishlist of mine would be complete without his name?

4.) Andrew Brunette, because this is a fake wishlist, and I don't want to tear him away from his good fit in Colorado. I am glad to see he has found his niche, especially because I don't think he is really a good fit for this team any longer.

5.) Matt Niskanen. He won't be allowed to leave the Stars of his own free will for quite some time, but whatever. Too bad the Wild aren't like the old school Montreal Canadiens...they always got their man.

6.) While we are on the subject of defensemen, a young Nicklas Lidstrom would be nice.

7.) A hardworking Marian Gaborik. I can dream, right?

8.) Scott Niedermayer when he still cared about hockey...because you can never have too many Norris nominated defensemen on your team. (But you might still make a first round exit anyway, that's what Vinny and Joe are there for.)

9.) Scotty Bowman as the coach. Jacques Lemaire is a good coach, but there is no better coach in all of hockey than Scotty Bowman.

Twins Update: I watched an entire game last night. With his hat on, Nick Blackburn looks an awful lot like Joe Mauer. Justin Morneau made an outfielder look stupid, and Joe Mauer still looks funny when he runs. That is all. Oh yeah one more thing, KEVIN SLOWEY START ON THURSDAY!

***Update***: Check out this quote from Justin Morneau:
Our fans sent in some letters with questions for you this particular one out loud if you would.
"JM: (Justin reads).... "I wanted to know if Justin or Michael watch SpongeBob SquarePants and if so, who is their favorite character?" Yes I do watch that show, we watched it all the time in the (New Britain) clubhouse. SpongeBob is my favorite character."

and then this interview:,77430

Bert and Dick were talking about Gomez's cycle, and Bert goes " I almost hit for the cycle once, I was a double, triple, and home run away!" Dick just laughed.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Luc Robitaille NHL ad

This one goes out with a shoutout to my HLOG sisters who are reppin' LA. Lucky Luc is awesome.

Friday, May 2, 2008

A letter to a Hockey God

Dear Joe Sakic,

Please, please, please don't retire. I want to be able to see you play one more time, and I don't want to see you end your career on an 8-2 loss kind of a note. You are my favorite player that ever will be, but I also don't want you to play longer than you want to. I hope you discuss this with your family, step back for a few weeks, go on vacation or something. I know you will not pull a Scott Niedermayer. You battled back from a tough injury, and I got scared. I thought that this would really get thoughts of retirement going in your head, since before you were coming off a 100 point season. Please remember that you came back from the injury and led your struggling team to the playoffs like Moses to the promised land, and continued your playoff studliness. I know you have one more year in you, but Wayne Gretzky said that the best time to retire is when people think you could/should have played one more season. I wish you the best with whatever you decide, and I hope to see you out destroying my team next year. Preferably when I'm home to watch.



P.S. I figured out why my pleas to the Hockey Gods didn't work, it's because you are one of the Hockey Gods and had a vested interest in the decision. It's too bad you played on a team with Forsberg and Smyth who have angered the rest of the Hockey Gods, or you might have been able to go a bit farther.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

The offseason is lame

So I always try really hard to get into the offseason, promise myself I'll look up who is going to be drafted, try and play armchair GM, etc. This never actually happens, and this offseason is no exception. I've been following the Habs series closely, but beyond that...not so much. I'm sure many wonderful and interesting things will happen this offseason, and I just won't know about it until September. I guess this will give me time to write the epic adventures of Zetterdouche and Trianglehead to entertain the newly graduated Steph.

It's almost time for me to officially start paying attention to baseball, so let's see if I can name one thing that I know about each positional player on the team.
Joe Mauer: He runs like he has a pole up his butt, and he tripped over first base and completely ate it.
Justin Morneau: He's a beast. That's all you need to know.
Michael Cuddyer: Has a cannon of an arm.
Gomez: He's young, maybe 22?
Young: Isn't he the dude that hit an umpire with a bat?
I have no idea who is playing third, second, or shortstop

Trying to name something about eveyone just resulted in epic failure. I suck.