Baby Hockey Jesus Trade Deadline

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus,
I know I have been a most undeserving fan recently, but man does my team need your help. While I've been away taking care of my life, the Wild have run into some struggles. (Actually, they were struggling before I left, too.) Mostly stemming from the fact that our GM seems to not want the team to win. Ever. Please help us in your infinite wisdom and power. I will sacrifice Joe Mauer to you for a Stanley Cup. Not that he has anything to do with hockey, but everyone seems to love him, so I figured maybe you did too. Hockey isn't a year round sport, and who knows, maybe you enjoying knocking back a cold one at the ballpark with the other Hockey Gods.

As chief liason between you and the Wild fans, I would ask you for these things:
1.) PLEASE PLEASE let Burns stop sucking. He was so awesome, and now, I don't know what it is, but something isn't going well. Maybe he's having some minor elbow relapses too. Either that or he's spending more time taking care of his pets (if you don't like snakes, don't click...) than focusing. Whatever it is, please help him to see the light. Also, please help the coaching staff see the light and NEVER EVER put him on forward ever again.

2.) Smite Gaborik. If you are merciful, you will smite him in one fell swoop so I don't hunt him down and beat him to death slowly with his own stick. Since they usually make a half a dozen sticks at a time, so 5 other people can help me!

3.) Make Mikko the permanent captain. The team seesm to do soooo much better when he is the captain. He is driven and competitive, two qualities I like to see in my captain.

4.) Please let us either make the playoffs and do well, or get some draft picks. I'm sick of this middle of the road holding pattern that MN teams seem to be cursed with. If you think of it, could you extend this to the Twins as well?

5.) Help me clear out my schedule so I can get more than 4 hours of sleep a night and actually have some free time to read something that isn't assigned/sleep/sit around doing nothing/not do homework whatever that means.

6.) Help Wiz to make his way back to the Blackhawks. Bur is probably crying in the corner as we speak, and the Ducks are dumb. They don't deserve entertaining players.

7.) Keep a close eye on Lombardi and help him to realize his speedy potential in Phoenix. At least he's not a Flame anymore.

8.) Let TSN be correct that Jokinen is a locker room killer. I would like nothing more than to see the Flames self destrct and implode. It would kind of make my life.

9.) Let Shanny and Sakic have graceful exits from the hockey world if they have to leave us. Such great players deserve to be remembered well and treated with great respect.

Please Baby Hockey Jesus help my team(s) on to great success because I want to come home to some playoff hockey in Minnesota!

Go Royals!

I came out of hibernation to support my former high school team. The ladies are playing in the state hockey tourney, and they play the cake eaters (Edina) tomorrow! They beat Irondale and now it's showtime. Go girls! Kick some ass for me! I have instructed everyone I know still in the Twin Cities to cheer for me.

You should all send good karma their way for me!

I miss you all and hopefully will post regularly soon. You can expect me to say a few words about the trade deadline...

The Twins source of greatness is all in the hair

So I thought about this the other day. The two best players on our team can clearly trace their awesome karma to their sideburns and curls. Next, I had a great idea of what I wanted to do with Paint, but unfortunately Paint and Flickr have conspired against me tonight to not let me use their pictures, OR scribble all over said pictures with lime green. Life is sad.

Justin Morneau used to have golden curls, the kind that make old ladies try to pinch your cheeks and tell you what a handsome young man you are(or youngster, since that seems to be Bert's new word). In fact, that's probably the actual reason he cut them off. (Much to the sorrow of the female portion of Twins Territory)

Taken just before he cut off his curls and became the MVP with some prodding from Gardy.

Justin Morneau is too good for hair, and he doesn't care if he looks like a monkey while hitting 500 Moose Antler (Courtesy of Bat-Girl) home runs over the fences.

Because I can. He just wishes he could grow facial hair. Unfortunately he still tries. It'd be so much manlier if he didn't try, if he just let everyone think he doesn't CHOOSE to grow facial hair.

The above picture leads me into my next subject.

Joe Mauer's sideburns. He's never shaved them off that we know of...but like Elise said, if he did, his career would probably be over. Are these sideburns in the making? Hard to tell.

This being said, much as I hate to admit it, Joe Mauer has never been brutal. He has always hit consistantly well, even if he's not swinging for the fences like his former roommate. Clearly it's all in the sideburns. Or maybe it's really the confused look? Either way, Joe Mauer's sideburns are clearly somehow powerful. Even Joe Mauerasaurus has them. You don't get to be the batting champ without something helping you out.

So basically if Joe Mauer didn't have awesome sideburns and Justin Morneau hadn't cut off his curls, the Twins would probably be losing an awful lot more than they already are.

You guys should click on all the words that you can, because those are the best pictures yet.

Also, did you know that Kevin Slowey had better than a 1400 on his SAT's? That's back in the old days when they were out of 1600.

Favorite player update:

Thank you all for your suggestions, they will be taken under careful consideration. I'm still accepting reasons to choose one player over another, up until such time as I make an official decision and announcement.

Please note: Marian Gaborik is not an acceptable suggestion for any reason. Also, if it helps, my three favorite players have been Brad Bombardir, Wes Walz, and Mark Parrish.

Elise must have listened to the conference call thingie with Shep and Bruno, so I'll refer you to her if you want to get a quick summary.

100 things about me...part 1

OK, so all the other cool kids are writing these lists, so I might as well since I got to look over and comment, it's only fair that I make one too.

1.) I like Minneapolis better than St. Paul, and now my mom is going to smack me.

2.) As a kid, I invented my own language and tried to teach my brother. Sadly he did (and still does) not share my enthusiasm for languages.

3.) I am EXTREMELY superstitious. Whether I'm watching sports or playing them, I have many rituals that must be followed. During the playoffs, participation is manditory.

4.) I can't watch horror movies. My imagination makes everything ten times worse than it actually is. Same goes for ghost shows, mystery books, or even made up stories.

5.) The older I get, the more OCD I get about cleaning. I've been told it's just the Finnish genes in me combined with the Swedish and constantly being told to clean things.

6.) I didn't really like baseball as a kid and into my teens, but as I get older I'm finding that I like it more than I once did. The fact that we have likeable players on the team (Redmond, Slowey, Morneau) doesn't hurt, either.

7.) As a child, I wanted to be an astronaut, a marine biologist, a botanist (all before I turned 8), a veternarian, and now I don't know what I want. I wish I had the focus of my younger years.

8.) I love foreign languages. I speak several fluently, and I will start to learn Mandarin in the fall. I plan to take Spanish (though I understand it pretty well and can speak a little bit) when I find the time, and then travel when I can to pick up a couple more. I can easily pick up speaking a language in a month, but reading and writing are slower to follow.

9.) I love to go into stores and just pick up everything. I enjoy stores like Creative Kidstuff, REI, IKEA, etc where I'm encouraged to go in and touch everything and test things out.

10.) I'm also very auditory. I love to listen to music and I recognize people more by the sound of their voice than by their face a lot of the time. This probably helps my language gift.

11.) I hate road trips. If I have to ride in the car for more than 15 minutes, I'm bored. I have a constant need to be entertained, and I'm an excellent multitasker, making it difficult to keep me entertained.

12.) I love to be outside. I like to camp, fish, play sports, everything outside. Ron Schara has the best job ever in that he gets to be outdoors and get paid a lot for it.

13.) For all that I love to be outside and in nature, I also tend to be very easy to reach. During the school year I'm on Facebook a lot, and when I'm not at work, I text fairly constantly.

14.) I love bright colors. Bright leafy greens, the bright blue the sky gets in the summer, and yellow. My skin tone doesn't really allow me to wear these shades well until I tan, but the walls of my room at home are bright yellow.

15.) Even though I now spend 8 months of the year in Oregon (during their rainy season), I really don't like rain. I'm a child of the sun all the way. Who says Scandinavians don't tan well?

16.) That being said, I love the water. I love to swim, row, fish, canoe, kayak, and just generally be around water.

17.) I have always had a lot of pets. I've had dogs, parakeets, a cockatial, chinchilla, fish, hamsters, guinea pigs, and a crab. Going to school is weird, all I'll have is bamboo for company.

18.) I'm not very artistic. The only form of art I am good at is music. My only attempts at visual arts at the moment are my random Paint scribbles. My art tends to be more representational than recognizable.

19.) I am extremely competitive. It doesn't matter what it is, I will compete at it. I will compete against any one, any time.

20.) I love getting mail. It pretty much makes my life complete. If anyone sends me mail, I do my best to find something to mail them back and return the favor.

The playoffs thus far in pictures

Round 1:

Hooray! We managed not to completely self-destruct and make all of Quebec hate us!

Yeah, what now, FCP??? NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS.

Round 2:

Joe Thornton will never shake his Marty Turco Stigma, and Forsberg learned that he is not better than half the population of Sweden, or even Nicklas Lidstrom by himself. Yes, I do refuse to say anything rude about Joe Sakic.

He should have stayed with the Pens/not cut his mullet.

Round 3:

A less than epic war was waged, and families (you don't want to know how long I stared at that word trying to see if it was spelled correctly. Stupid foreign languages.) were divided. But not for long.

Marty Turco kicked his playoff stigma in the balls, until Al kicked him back.

At Least the Ookies are Awesome

Booth pictures are from a random Google search. I suggest googling Scott Niedermayer if you don't believe the Ookies, Alix, or me.

So tonight I hung out in the IBP game thread, and had a lovely chat with many of the (ir) regulars, and some poo was flung...mostly by me, I have to admit, and mostly at Alix, writer of The Humming Giraffe. I'm sorry, Alix, I love the giraffe, and you are awesome. I'm just frustrated, and not looking forward to playing you guys 2,395, 573 times at the end of this month. The fact that Scott Niedermayer looks very much like the giraffe that adorns The Humming Giraffe was also discussed in the quest to find a name for said giraffe. I don't know about you guys, but I hereby vote for Scott as the name.

So the Wild lost 4-3 in a shootout to the Devils, and went 0-3 in said shootout. Earth to Brian Rolston, the slapshot thing isn't working any more. I think every goalie on God's Green Earth has figured out that you will try that...

Paul Martin (former Gopher) and Zach Parise (former UND player boo, but he's from MN) were in town tonight for the first time as Devils, as we haven't played the Devils in Minnesota since before they were born probably. (Which is not a knock on them, since they are older than me.) I'm sure they had quite a crowd there like Nisky did, but they play for a team I like better than the Stars. Martin Brodeur continues in his quest to look exactly like Gump Worsley, except he's too vain to play without a mask.

Anyone have any idea what this is? Google turns up some strange things sometimes. Apparently it's a hockey card...

Up Next: LA Kings. I'm a bad fan. I didn't know that off the top of my head, and I had to use my cell phone to light up my Wild wall calendar since it's A.) dark in my room B.) Faster than looking it up on the internet somewhere. So we play the Kings. Rob Blake is awesome, Dan Cloutier is not, unless he's helping us win playing like his normal self instead of super well like KMS2 mentioned. Game is on at *checks calendar* 7 CT, and that's the end of the useful information I have gleaned from this highly useful wall decoration.


This photo came up when I googled "Scott Niedermayer" The facial expression totally works.-------->

As one final, random aside, I just found out about the existance of a giraffe beetle while making this post. I don't know how you guys feel about bugs, but click on the link if you want to see the coolest thing EVER. Apparently they live in Madagasgar. I really, really want to see one now. http://images.wildmadagascar.org/pictures/dylan/Giraffe_Beetle,_Perinet.jpg

Top Ten Reasons I Can't Wait to go to Minnesota

10.) It snows there. None of this typhoon powered rain for weeks on end crap. And sun, don't get me started on how much I LOVE the sun. I will tell you every reason I can think of that the sun is good.

9.) HOCKEY! Season tickets, here I come. Centre Ice on a TV that I don't have to murder someone to watch. (one TV for 200 people is not sufficient)

8.) There are food types that are not some variation of Asian.

7.) I don't have to do homework.

6.) Caribou Coffee and all my other favorite places to hang out in MN will be there waiting for me, plus I won't have to spend an hour trying to figure out how to get where I want to go.

5.) I get to see my friends/have my arm fixed by a real doctor that doesn't use words like suck, bummer, and tell me he couldn't get into the school I attend if he were apply today when discussing the fact that I think my arm is falling off.

4.) Hopkins is much less sketchy than Salem.

3.) I won't have to comb the internet for any scrap of information I can find about my sports teams, I can just open my front door or flip on the TV.

2.) I can shoot the breeze with random people about anything as long as it's sports or the weather.

1.) Did I mention snow and hockey? Really? Well I'm mentioning them again.

Game previews, Captains, and limericks

C is for captain, that's good enough for me-What Cookie Monster would have sung if he were a cool kid and a hockey fan instead of a cookie fan.

Today the Wild will play the Canucks. Whoppee, more division rivals. All I have to say is we had better beat the crap out of them. Koivu isn't skating and is in the IR, so I'm going to guess he won't play for a bit. I need my boys Rolston, Bouchard, and goalies to be sharp tonight for my fantasy team! I've had a rather tough week, but I might be able to pull off a win tonight.

Mark Parrish has been named the captain for the month of December. Congrats to "Captain Grumpy"! He used a lot of words like proud and honoured when asked for his reaction to being named captain for the third time. Here's to December being much better than November! As the above picture illustrates, I'm just really not a fan of Brian Rolston as captain. No particular reason why, I'm not just not.

Also, the first person that can find a the video clip played on the NHL Network/TSN of Parrish fishing and breaking his boat will be my hero forever.

Speaking of Captains, everyone should check out SportSquee. Margee has, as usual, posted a brilliant investigation into the secret lives of the NHL's captains. Sakic's is my favorite. (No, not just because it's Sakic.)

Clearly Janessa was bored in the shower today, because she created this limerick about Jarret Stoll. There are more of these on HF, including an excellent one about Pierre McGuire.

There was a boy from Sask who played for the Oil
He could really fire the puck
The next C he'll wear
The Oiler fans swear
Until he started to suck

And one about Cam Barker:
Cam Barker was drafted overall third
Whose play was increadibly absurd
He was supposedly the best
Even though there was the rest
He made Tigers fans say curse words

Don't forget to vote for your favorite NHLers for the All-Star game! I have a link up...use it! Backstrom needs some love, he's not doing as well as he could be.

Gaborik Apologizes and the Wild Win!

All in all, it was a productive day. The Wild won, I only had one class and one other obligation. I was able to watch the entire Wild game, make some origami, and finish my homework.

Sportsnet had a hilarious video up of Gaborik reading an apology to fantasy GMs about how he is all for the team winning a Stanley Cup, not his own personal stats. Blah Blah, it's still funny any way. http://www2.sportsnet.ca/nhl/fantasy/20071115_Fantasy_Hockey


The Wild actually won! 4-2 vs the Oilers! It was awesome, except for the part where Backstrom let in two soft goals against Stoll and got pulled. Staios behaved like Darcy Tucker, had a meltdown, and sat angrily in the box for most of the game. All in all, a good night.


The next night...not so much. The Wild lost 6-2 to the Canucks, a fact that my friend Tim is happily gloating about right now. I watched most of the game, but then my RA had promised really good cookies if we went to mocktails, so I got a fake drink and wished it were real so I could tolerate watching the rest of the game.


The Ducks put Bryz on waivers, the Coyotes pick up him, and shazam! Shut out. Take that Ducks!


I just finished watching the HHOF speeches, and my mom was right. Al MacInnis did a REALLY nice job. Messier, not so much.

Barry Bonds got indicted on five felonies according to ESPN. I was practically dancing around with glee, I'm not gonna lie. I think he's a douche, and now...yeah. That's all I'll say. ESPN outlines what they think will happen. Selig will be suspending him if the US justice system doesn't get to him first...http://insider.espn.go.com/espn/blog/index?entryID=3115655&name=olney_buster&action=login&appRedirect=http%3a%2f%2finsider.espn.go.com%2fespn%2fblog%2findex%3fentryID%3d3115655%26name%3dolney_buster

If you scroll down further on that same page, there is a headline I couldn't resist reading: "Derek Jeter's mom defended him". It's really, really funny, and I suggest you click on the above link, scroll down, and give it a read. Don't eat or drink anything while doing so, as I cannot be held responsible for you destroying your keyboards.

Edit: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Russo is telling me that Koivu is hurt. Some kind of crack in his tibia. He wrote up a deal about it on Russo's Rants. Please Hockey Gods, tell me what it is that I have done to make you hate me.

Suisse

Have you evert wondered why Switzerland writes Suisse on their sweaters instead of Schweitz when 2/3 of the population is German speaking (I should say, speaks German as a primary language)? Just me? Ok. Well in case you were secretly wondering, or are ever on some trivia-type game show, here's why.
I emailed the IIHF to ask them why this is, and they referred me to Karin Hoerhager, who works for the Swiss Ice Hockey Association. Here is what she said: "In the history of the Olympics the short form for Switzerland has always been SUI, that's why on every Swiss uniform (skiing, swimming etc.) you'll find Suisse instead of Swiss or Schweiz. I cannot tell you why exactly they chose to do that but over the years it has just become a rule."
The culture of Switzerland facinates me due to their intense multilingualism, and everyone I was told to email was really nice about sending quick and polite responses. I wish everyone were as nice as random people from Europe when you show interest in their team. I'm also pleased when I find that I can write Swiss German almost as fluently as I can speak it.

Could be worse

I have been very outspoken about the fact that I did not like the loss of the green sweaters. Minnesota has always been associated with having green sweaters, that's just how it is. I still do not like the loss, but they didn't make the new sweater awful or anything, so I guess I should count my blessings. All they did was add weird piping to the third jersey and raise the price a whole bunch. They are now tremendously spendy, so I guess I can banish any thoughts of buying a sweater between now and the time that I get a job that pays extremely well. I'm kind of wondering why the Wild aren't special enough to have pictures of players modeling them for us. All the other teams get to...apparently our players weren't on hand, or are boycotting them.

In other news, Scott Niedermayer is still taking way, way too long to decide what he's going to do. He's either an attention whore, really indecisive, or just doesn't really care about the rest of the world since he lives in his own little happy, perfect world.

I redid the colors of the blog, just to mix it up a bit. I'm not sure if they look ok or not, since I don't really have a creative eye...hence the science major.

CapsChick's Challenge

So CapsChick posted this on HLOG as an impromptu challenge( and everyone knows I can't resist a challenge...), so I've decided to come up with my own version.



Best one-on-one offensive player: Hard to say for me. Lecavalier strikes me as a solid choice, but so does Joe Sakic. Dude can let his wrister go at any time, he's a great passer, good skater, and if I were a goalie, he is one of the last people I'd ever want to see skating towards me. For this round I'm going to take the crafty veteran over the flashy (sort of) young gun.



Best one-on-one defenceman: Niedermayer with a nod to Lidstrom. Nieds can puckhandle, he can pass, shoot, and if worse comes to worse, he can just plain out-skate your ass.



Assist Man: I will also say Joe Thornton (if only he could step it up at key times like the Olympics, I'd be a happy, happy camper). Andrew Brunette is also a good wingman to have, since he gets and keeps the puck at any cost, but Thornton is currently hard to deny.



Best Pure Goal Scorer: I've heard good things about AO, but I haven't seen him play extensive amounts outside of the WJC, so I'm picking Lecavalier.

Power Play Specialist: Sheldon Souray perhaps? Does he ever score even strength goals? At any rate, he's definitely not my pick for the best one-on-one defenceman. Jarret Stoll was also good on the PP for the Oilers.

Shorthanded Specialist: At one point in time Wes Walz was the SH goal king for the Wild, but sadly no longer. (he had seven or eight one season. *sigh*) I gotta give props to Jordan Staal, cause I looked it up on TSN, and it appears that he had the most shorthanded goals in the league. Due to the stupid NHL schedule I have not really had the chance to see him play much, but those stats aren't lying to me.

Need One Save: Martin Brodeur had kind of a crappy season by his standards, but Marty Turco was the man. Props also to my boy Backstrom since the Wild weren't scoring goals, he was making awesome saves and keeping us in games.

The Guy You've Never Heard Of: I don't know, maybe he has become more famous now, but Pierre-Marc Bouchard is awesome, and usually flies under the radar. In 2006, he made the long list for the Team Canada roster in Torino. The Great One has mentioned him on several occasions, and PMB has even drawn a comparison to him. Mikko Koivu is also a guy most people haven't heard of, but he's really making a name for himself. Awesome.

Biggest Impact on a New Team: Sup Scotty? Scott Niedermayer is my pick, because I refuse to acknowledge the existence of FCP. Niedermayer proved that he really is all that, which had quite unfortunate results for both my western conference teams.

When It Gets Chippy: Derek Boogaard. He's massive, can break people's faces in one punch, skates decently for a huge dude, and wouldn't you knock it off if he gave you a warning glare?

Coach For a Must-Win Game: Gotta agree with CapsChick here. There is no one better than Scotty Bowman. He is abosolutely amazing. I have to say, though, I'm pretty happy with Jacques Lemaire as a coach. He does pretty good things with what he's been given. 2003 playoff run anyone?

Get Under Your Skin Guy: Sean Avery is a pain, but I would imagine Raffi Torres and Chris Neil also qualify. FCP gets under my skin, but I don't know if that counts.

The Home Crowd: The Leafs and Habs both have awesome crowds. I like to think MN fans are that awesome, but in reality they probably aren't.

Most Overrated Player: Can I say Sidney Crosby just because I'm sick of hearing about him? In reality Briere totally gets my vote, and I can't wait until Flyers fans figure this out.

Most Underrated Player: Rob Niedermayer got consideration for this, but he finally got the props he deserves this spring. Mikko Koivu is another one that is finally starting to step out of Big Brother's shadow. Jarret Stoll is another one who is very talented, just doesn't really get the love outside of Edmonton. Being injured doesn't really help that.

Worst Area to Play in as a Visitor: Philly would suck, but I would imagine that all those Habs and Leafs fans could be pretty intimidating also. Canucks are only the worst if you are a visiting fan during the playoffs. They throw things...

Worst Area to Play in as the Home Team: I would think anywhere down south where there are more people in visiting sweaters than home ones. Very demoralizing. Philly too. Rough city.

Project Runway: Are we talking modeling the stuff or designing it? Those would be two differenct answers.