Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Twins source of greatness is all in the hair

So I thought about this the other day. The two best players on our team can clearly trace their awesome karma to their sideburns and curls. Next, I had a great idea of what I wanted to do with Paint, but unfortunately Paint and Flickr have conspired against me tonight to not let me use their pictures, OR scribble all over said pictures with lime green. Life is sad.

Justin Morneau used to have golden curls, the kind that make old ladies try to pinch your cheeks and tell you what a handsome young man you are(or youngster, since that seems to be Bert's new word). In fact, that's probably the actual reason he cut them off. (Much to the sorrow of the female portion of Twins Territory)
Taken just before he cut off his curls and became the MVP with some prodding from Gardy.

Justin Morneau is too good for hair, and he doesn't care if he looks like a monkey while hitting 500 Moose Antler (Courtesy of Bat-Girl) home runs over the fences.

Because I can. He just wishes he could grow facial hair. Unfortunately he still tries. It'd be so much manlier if he didn't try, if he just let everyone think he doesn't CHOOSE to grow facial hair.
The above picture leads me into my next subject.

Joe Mauer's sideburns. He's never shaved them off that we know of...but like Elise said, if he did, his career would probably be over. Are these sideburns in the making? Hard to tell.
This being said, much as I hate to admit it, Joe Mauer has never been brutal. He has always hit consistantly well, even if he's not swinging for the fences like his former roommate. Clearly it's all in the sideburns. Or maybe it's really the confused look? Either way, Joe Mauer's sideburns are clearly somehow powerful. Even Joe Mauerasaurus has them. You don't get to be the batting champ without something helping you out.

So basically if Joe Mauer didn't have awesome sideburns and Justin Morneau hadn't cut off his curls, the Twins would probably be losing an awful lot more than they already are.
You guys should click on all the words that you can, because those are the best pictures yet.
Also, did you know that Kevin Slowey had better than a 1400 on his SAT's? That's back in the old days when they were out of 1600.
Favorite player update:
Thank you all for your suggestions, they will be taken under careful consideration. I'm still accepting reasons to choose one player over another, up until such time as I make an official decision and announcement.
Please note: Marian Gaborik is not an acceptable suggestion for any reason. Also, if it helps, my three favorite players have been Brad Bombardir, Wes Walz, and Mark Parrish.
Elise must have listened to the conference call thingie with Shep and Bruno, so I'll refer you to her if you want to get a quick summary.


elise said...

The Twins have currently decided to suck. Maybe Mauer's having some problems with his sideburns or something. Or maybe Morneau hasn't been able to get a haircut because of this long roadtrip and the cursed curls are coming back.

Kirsten said...

Joe Mauer should know by now how to cut his own sideburns, but maybe he was hungover and messed up. I haven't seen a Twins game in a while, so I can't tell.