A happy ending to a crappy day

In case you haven't heard, JUSTIN MORNEAU WON THE HOMERUN DERBY!!!!!! I'm dying because I could barely breathe, I couldn't mess up his karma.

WARNING, THIS IS SLIGHTLY GROSS. IF YOU DON'T LIKE BLOOD, SKIP THE PARTS IN RED.
So my day started off like this:
Can't get out of the driveway because of road construction.
Get to work, find a HUGE to do list in my cubby.
Feel like I'm going to puke, but I have to take a bunch of dead, smelly birds out of the freezer to thaw, then cut up a rat for the owl.
Break up an owl/turkey fight.
Save the poor Blanding's turtle from death again.
Wash, blowdry, and pin up said dead, smelly, now thawed birds.
Take a bunch of deer, beaver, and other assorted skulls outside and put them in a box for beatles to eat. They were bleeding on the floor. I kind of decided that six more weeks might be a bit much.


I got home, yelled at some people for almost getting into a car accident in my driveway, and then finally my day improved.



The homerun derby.

• Josh Hamilton hit 28 homeruns in the first round. I thought his pitcher was going to die before it was over.
• Justin hit 8 in his first round
• I was bored by the time the Hamilton dude who used to smoke meth or something was done. I guess he's clean now? I have to say, I wasn't listening.
• Some other people bat. I text/IM people madly updating them.
• The dude who looks like Bill Guerin fails.
• Justin Morneau proceeds to hit 9 more homeruns, Bill Guerin look alike who plays for the Brewers goes off to cry in the dugout.
• Joe Morgan is convinced that you must have 7 homeruns to win the competition.
• Justin Morneau proceeds to hit 5 homeruns. That's not good enough for Joe Morgan.
• I yell at one of my friends for killing Justin's karma.
• Josh Hamilton makes me almost die, but he only hits three homeruns.
• I run around yelling like I don't know what. My mom kind of looks at me like I've lost my mind. I did it! I didn't jinx him! Then he gets to help some little girl, and several people say his name wrong, some random dude calls him Jason, and the interviewer lady says his last name incorrectly. I feel for you, dude. Apparently Kirsten is a hard name to pronounce too.

Now I'm tired from running around like a nut and being happy. I'll go back to pinning birds to a board, but with a smile on my face. At least for 10 minutes, until I have to break up another angry bird fight. If I didn't have to wear the smirf shirt tomorrow, I'd be wearing a Justin Morneau one. *sigh* Too bad my boss would not accept his winning as a proper excuse. I'll just be sitting down in the dungeon all day dealing with dead birds that have been frozen as long as I've been alive, but she's not known for being nice/accommodating/helpful.

I feel a smackdown coming!

vs.
Both of them have a bad case of "Malkin face".

So lately I've been hearing from multiple sources that they think Malkin is better than Crosby. This news makes me smile like there is no tomorrow, because I can't wait to hear what Sidney Crosby has to say about this once he hears. I bet this could get good, and I can't wait to be entertained by the fight I am envisioning ensuing. I will be horribly disappointed if Crosby is his usual, boring self and just says that it's good for the game or whatever.

The Stars are getting murdered by the Red Wings, but they showed a little bit more life last night. There was also the Ribero/Osgood incident at the end of the game, so I'm guessing some of the Wings *coughMcCartycough* might be out for blood. Specifically Ribero's blood, but I wouldn't be surprised if he went after Turco to retaliate. I wouldn't do that if I were him however, as Marty Turco strikes me as the type to fight back, and fight dirty.

Random Twins ramblings:

The Twins are currently playing the BoSox. They won the first game, dropped yesterday's game, and now have been doing pretty well thus far in the game *knock on wood*. Justin Morneau is doing much better than he was last series, and he gave a great shoutout to his mom today complete with actual smiling, a rare thing from the stoic Canadian. OOH, he's up to bat and he has a pink bat. NICE hit. He's now 3 for 3 with a hit right up the middle that practically made the pitcher piss his pants. He smashed that ball.

Joe Morgan is a good baseball announcer, but whoever he is working with NEVER, EVER shuts up. Like seriously. He knows more random facts about the Red Sox than anyone has a right to, and he seems to have a burning need to impart all of this wisdom to me in the span of this ball game. Stupid ESPN, I miss Dick'N'Bert.

Blackburn seems to have a hard time sealing the deal. He gets two strikes, then seems to try too hard or something to get the third. I still maintain he looks a bit like Joe Mauer with a hat on. Must be the sideburns and dark hair.

On an even more random note, now that the Twins are back at home, I don't have to hear them mention that they are on the South Side of Chicago every three seconds. I was starting to count how many times a game they mentioned that fact. According to Tenisha, the south side is not where you want to be.

Justin Morneau almost fell on his face he just stopped and backed up so fast. The third baseman just bobbled the ball off his nuts. The announcer made tons of excuses for him, why doesn't he do that for the Twins players? LAME I say.

Wild:

If anyone caught the interview on KFAN with Mark Parrish, I'm sorry. It was amusing when they weren't taking advantage of the fact that he's too nice to tell them all to eff off and stop asking him such rude questions. He answered all of their questions very politely, but he didn't sound happy about most of them. Unfortunately they spent a lot more time talking about the fact that he had a poor season than the fact that next year is a new season, we won the division title, and we have a lot of players who REALLY improved this season. Oh well, such is journalism I've found. Parrish sounded like he's doing a lot better after his concussion, which he said was brutal. It's really good to hear that he's feeling better, and that his little girl and wife are both doing a really well. All the best to ya Grumpy, the fans still love you, even if the media doesn't.

One last thing: Jacques Lemaire has annouced that he will be back for another season. This is good news for everyone but the opposition. I'm pleased that he's back for another season, and I'm hoping that they will play a little bit better for him this coming season. The Strib and Pioneer Press are all over this story like white on rice, so you can read more about it there or on Wild.com.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS EVERYWHERE!

Completely Unreasonable Summer Wishlist

I will post a real wishlist that is actually feasible later. For now this is just what I'd REALLY like to see. None of this money saving, team chemistry crap.

1.) Vincent Lecavalier and Joe Thornton. I should be the GM of the Rangers. We need centers.

2.) A younger Martin Brodeur, though I could do without the personal scandals and douchebaggery.

3.) Joe Sakic. Duh. What wishlist of mine would be complete without his name?

4.) Andrew Brunette, because this is a fake wishlist, and I don't want to tear him away from his good fit in Colorado. I am glad to see he has found his niche, especially because I don't think he is really a good fit for this team any longer.

5.) Matt Niskanen. He won't be allowed to leave the Stars of his own free will for quite some time, but whatever. Too bad the Wild aren't like the old school Montreal Canadiens...they always got their man.

6.) While we are on the subject of defensemen, a young Nicklas Lidstrom would be nice.

7.) A hardworking Marian Gaborik. I can dream, right?

8.) Scott Niedermayer when he still cared about hockey...because you can never have too many Norris nominated defensemen on your team. (But you might still make a first round exit anyway, that's what Vinny and Joe are there for.)

9.) Scotty Bowman as the coach. Jacques Lemaire is a good coach, but there is no better coach in all of hockey than Scotty Bowman.

Twins Update: I watched an entire game last night. With his hat on, Nick Blackburn looks an awful lot like Joe Mauer. Justin Morneau made an outfielder look stupid, and Joe Mauer still looks funny when he runs. That is all. Oh yeah one more thing, KEVIN SLOWEY START ON THURSDAY!

***Update***: Check out this quote from Justin Morneau:
Our fans sent in some letters with questions for you guys...read this particular one out loud if you would.
"JM: (Justin reads).... "I wanted to know if Justin or Michael watch SpongeBob SquarePants and if so, who is their favorite character?" Yes I do watch that show, we watched it all the time in the (New Britain) clubhouse. SpongeBob is my favorite character."

and then this interview:http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/blog/big_league_stew/post/Answer-Man-Justin-Morneau-talks-hockey-middle-?urn=mlb,77430

Bert and Dick were talking about Gomez's cycle, and Bert goes " I almost hit for the cycle once, I was a double, triple, and home run away!" Dick just laughed.

The offseason is lame

So I always try really hard to get into the offseason, promise myself I'll look up who is going to be drafted, try and play armchair GM, etc. This never actually happens, and this offseason is no exception. I've been following the Habs series closely, but beyond that...not so much. I'm sure many wonderful and interesting things will happen this offseason, and I just won't know about it until September. I guess this will give me time to write the epic adventures of Zetterdouche and Trianglehead to entertain the newly graduated Steph.

It's almost time for me to officially start paying attention to baseball, so let's see if I can name one thing that I know about each positional player on the team.
Joe Mauer: He runs like he has a pole up his butt, and he tripped over first base and completely ate it.
Justin Morneau: He's a beast. That's all you need to know.
Michael Cuddyer: Has a cannon of an arm.
Gomez: He's young, maybe 22?
Young: Isn't he the dude that hit an umpire with a bat?
I have no idea who is playing third, second, or shortstop

Trying to name something about eveyone just resulted in epic failure. I suck.