Baby Hockey Jesus in the Offseason

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus,
I'm sure you are busy working on your tan in this offseason, sitting around and knocking back a few cold ones, and fishing, but the Wild are in a bit of trouble this offseason, and they need your help.
First off, we need you to teach Brian Rolston's agent to answer his phone/return his messages.
Secondly, it would be great if you could help get Butch signed to a long-term contract. I'm afraid he will walk if he doesn't get one.
Third, PLEASE REMIND DR THAT SIMON WAS NOT A GOOD IDEA. I don't want to see any more useless players signed.
Fourth, Marian Hossa would be nice. Then Gaborik can have his other life partner here and maybe he'd stop whining and play hockey. On the other hand, he might be too busy partying with Hossa to focus. I'll leave that one to your judgement. Since we probably won't sign Rolston or Demitra at this point, we'll have piles of money sitting around.
Fifth, please let Demitra leave without smack talking the Wild. We'd like to be able to sign free-agents in the future.
Sixth, please make Chris Chelios retire.
Lastly, please, pleaseeeeeeee let Joe Sakic play at least one more season so I can see him play in person at least once more. I didn't get to see him play in person last season, and I'm uber bummed.

Thank you Baby Hockey Jesus for interupting your vacation to help us out. I will find and sacrifice Sidney Crosby to you if you will grant my wishes.

In other news, I would direct you to see the latest genius over at 18,568 Reasons Why.

I would like to as always, thank the Untypical Girls for introducing Baby Hockey Jesus to the Wild.