Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus,

I have come to you in my hour of need. If necessary, I will lay out the proper sacrifices like the Untypical Girls outlined, but I don't have time tonight. The things I would like from you are simple things indeed, and I will give you a whole list to choose from, but I would be happy with just one of them.

-Please make Chris Simon go away
-Smite Skoula
-let the Wild score goals. Lots of them.
-Help us regain our division lead
-If not the division lead, I'd settle for making the playoffs
-Don't make us play Anaheim in the playoffs, even if Sleek says we are due to win
-Make Jarome Iginla get some embarassing injury before we play them next.
-Let Forsberg screw up the Avs chemistry so they are not as good as I fear they will be.

Thank you Baby Hockey Jesus for letting us keep Pierre Marc Bouchard, and thank you to the Untypical Girls for the inspiration for this post.

Feel free to add onto this list of things to ask Baby Hockey Jesus for, because I'm sure that no matter who you are a fan of right now, there is something about today that makes you unhappy. Unless you are a fan of the Penguins, and in which case, I hate you a little bit.

I'm too irritated about life to do a pre-game for the next game. We play Tampa Bay tomorrow. They no longer have Richards, they have half the Dallas Stars instead. Lecavalier plays for them. That is all.

***EDIT*** I got a mention on Deadspin, and not in a bad way! See it here http://deadspin.com/361314/maybe-pittsburgh-didnt-get-bitch+slapped-after-all
Thanks to Loser Domi for pointing it out!


elise said...

This post made me a little happier.
And I hope the Baby Hockey Jesus hears our prayers.

CKim said...

The title cheered me up.

I still don't get the Simon signing. I really thought Blake might go to the Aves when Foote was rumored to go. Why can't Cloutier be like Conklin?

Dear Baby Hockey Jesus, help me to understand.

Kirsten said...

Glad I can help cheer you guys up on this most crappy of days in the NHL.

I don't get it either, Ckim. I'd rather Baby Hockey Jesus make him go away, but understanding would be nice too.

KMS2 said...

Jerome Iginla get some embarassing injury before we play them next.

Maybe he could tear his urethra like Johnny Knoxville.

beth said...

I think you did an excellent job of summing things up.

Loser Domi said...

nicely written, and congrats on the link in the NHL closer on Deadspin!

Anonymous said...

Re: Chris Simon,

he's going to replace Wes Walz - the good news is that he's NOT as crazy as he's made himself out to be. He's from Wawa and has won the cup and been to the finals and he's gritty as hell, like better than Walz, trust me, I've seen him play a lot and he'll grow on Minnesota.

I took it as good news to have like 3 of the toughest guys in hockey on one team and it's helpful in many ways for a trapping team like ours, means we'll always have an enforcer and this new one can catch a pass and finish a play, he's scored goals and timely ones too - he'll do it again - Minnesota looks just like Wawa in geography and pickerel and he's gonna love it, he'll feel like a new man !

Skoula DOES suck.

Kirsten said...

kms2-I was totally thinking of that when I wrote it. Hilarious. Have you read the article about his reaction?

Beth-thank you!

loser domi-Thank you, and awesome! I would not have seen that if you had not pointed it out to me, so thanks again.

r/r-I'll keep all of that in mind. I have not seen him play a whole lot, so I'm making my judgements based off of what I have seen and heard. Not necessarily good I know, but what can you do. I'll be keeping a close eye on him to be sure.

KMS2 said...

The other day Knoxville was on the local radio morning show and talked about what happened. Not sure what you read in the article but the radio guys asked him if he was worried about his junk being able to perform ever again. Knoxvilled replied that while he was at the hospital his girlfriend was rubbing his shoulder and he said, "Oh yeah, it still works!!"

Rinslet said...

Baby hockey Jesus does not know a player named Jerome Iginla. :( He searched on NHL database.

He says sorry he can only do it with existing players. :((((


Kirsten said...

kms2-The one I saw had him talking about how he was following the Dr's orders for once and laying low for three weeks.

Rinslet-haha, oops. This is what happens when I try to do too many things at once/don't sleep enough. Fixed!

Paul said...

Hey Kirsten, I really enjoyed your post!

Just one question though... where your hate for the Stars? Shouldn't you be including them in a prayer to free fall from their completely overachieving ways of late? I don't give a S**T if they got Brad Richards or not, they aren't winning any Cup. Then Jennifer Engel can continue her little curse off for another year.

Kirsten said...

Paul-This is true! I wrote this post while studying for an exam AND writing a paper, so I wasn't as thorough as I could have been. I promise I'll do better next time!